But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
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