I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
