I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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