My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
