how can u be prego again
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
