Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
whose ass print is on the piano?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
