we made out on top of his cat.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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