About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
