You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Randomize
