The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
