i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
