I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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