she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
