Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
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