He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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