So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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