No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
