No stitches, just platelets and will power
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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