I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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