he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
