um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
