saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
