At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
