Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
