just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
