They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
did i walk over a car last night?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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