Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
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