I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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