Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
