so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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