sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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