I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
and she was petting her beer can
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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