Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
