Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Its about making memories worth repressing
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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