And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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