Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
he was CRYING into my vagina
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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