i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
