Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
