I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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