she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
