only if we run a train.
done.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
