white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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