I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
