just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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