Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
