i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
