soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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