i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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