you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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