The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
