Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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