walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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