On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Randomize
