i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Randomize
