I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
